You do hear, but do you listen?

Photo source: DryIcons

How many times have you found it hard to concentrate while one of your friends was trying to tell you about the latest happenings in his life? Remember these phrases? “Hey, are you still following my story?”, “Earth to Jim (or place your name here)” or “Okay, I’ll just stop talking, you’re not paying attention.”. If you do, try to recall what exactly were you doing prior to hearing the sentences above. Yes, you were probably daydreaming, thinking about that shiny sports car you saw earlier, mentally talking to your boss about that promotion you deserve or any other action or issue that had nothing to do with your friend and his story. And yet, you know you really wanted to listen to him and be there next to him and not “there” inside your own mind. What happened? Why do you sometimes find it hard to focus on a person speaking? Why are there moments when you want to assimilate relevant information from an oral presentation and yet you cannot, because somewhere down the road the lights go out and takes some time until you turn them on again?

Well, my dear reader, listening in an efficient manner is an art on its own. Retrieving the most relevant data using the act of listening it is not as easy as it may seem. There are so many books about how to be a great speaker, yet not so many about how to be a great listener. However, when a message is not received in a proper manner, you don’t always find the problem in the listener’s part of the court. A low voice speaker, an incoherent form of the speech or a message that is just too complex might also influence the efficiency of communication. But this is not the theme of this article, so I will bring the ball into the listener’s court and share with you a few tips on how to become a better listener.

Define the area of interest. You will pay more attention when the information presented regards your own fields of interest, activity or performance. So, when listening, ask yourself “How can I use this information ?”, “Is there anything that I can use from this speech in order to make my life better?”, etc.

Message, not presentation. Judge the content, not the skills of the speaker. While the person in front of you may not be the best orator, try to understand the core of his display, the message.

Attitude: cooperative. Be receptive and place yourself on the same side with the speaker; Even though his oppinions are different from yours, listen with respect and be open-minded regarding ideas or theories supported by strong arguments.

Main ideas. Discover the main ideas in the presentation and focus your attention on them.

Flexibility. If you decide to take written notes, use more systems of encoding the message: diagrams, spider-maps, roman numerals, etc.

Distraction to the minimum. Try to block the disturbing factors around you, such as background noises, great views outside the window, etc.

Be less emotional. Feel but do not let yourself overwhelmed by emotions. I am not saying that you should be insensitive, just try not to respond to words in an emotional manner.

Remain cool.Yes, I know you may be really excited about the speaker’s point of view, theory and arguments. Yet, try to remain calm and listen to everything he has to say, before jumping to conclusions (or worse, interrupting the display).

Exercise your listening skills. Participate to as many presentations, courses, conferences, etc. Meet your friends and ask them to talk about themselves.

Exercise your concentration. There are many ways to improve your level of concentration. I recommend you a 5 minutes state of meditation. Mentally focus for 5 minutes on a word or object. See it in your mind and if distraction occurs, bring the mental image of the object/word back as primary.

Diversity. Find or create situations that can help you exercise the process of listening. Change speakers, subjects, places, etc.

Feel free to add to this list any methods, activities or techniques that may help you or others to become better listeners.

Improve your listening skills by trying the tips above, but most of all, listen to what life has to say to you for that may hold the key to your moments of happiness!

P.S. I wonder how many times have you stopped from reading this article and engaged in some other activity?

Article by Lucia Grosaru

Wrap-up your problems and send them away!

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I want to present you a simple, yet useful technique, that will help you detach from your problems, approach them in an adequate manner, find solutions and, what is the most important thing, take action towards your goals.

There are two versions of this technique, that you can use either on a daily basis or only when you are confronted with a major problem.

Version One – Can be used daily

*You will need some colored sheets of paper or post-its, a pen and an envelope or a box with a design you like.

Each day we are given happy moments, that we wanna keep forever, and moments that we don’t like that much or make us sad. Before going to bed each evening you can get two post-its of different colors and write down the most beautiful thing that happened to you that day and the most unpleasant event. The post-it that has the disagreeable event written on it can be torn apart now and thrown in the trash-can. Send it away from you, it will make you feel better instantly! Regarding the beautiful event, make it the centre of your day and keep it in a box or a nice envelope. In time, you can look through the collection of wonderful things that made you feel so good and remember that there’s one to come everyday! Sweet dreams now…

Version Two – Can be used when confronting with a major problem

*You will need three blank sheets of paper, three envelops or boxes and a pen.

So you are dealing with something you consider to be a problem and you don’t know exactly how to approach it or you don’t have a clear vision of it. Alright, take the first envelope and write “Problem” on it. Now, take a sheet of paper and describe your problem. Don’t worry, write whatever seems relevant to you. Fold the sheet of paper and place it in the envelope. Step two : Write “Others” on the second envelope and then take the second sheet of paper and write down what others can do in order to solve or help you solve the problem. Again, place the paper in the envelope. For the last time now, take the third envelope and label it “I” or “Me” and on the remained piece of paper enumerate the ways in which you can solve your problem, the steps you need to take towards your goal. Place the paper in the “Me” envelope.

Now it’s the moment to let “magic” happen! Take the envelope named “Problem”, shred it into pieces and throw it in the trash can! You problem is a matter of the past, you can’t go back in time and make it disappear, but it’s no longer a part of your present either! Do the same with the envelope labeled “Others”. Yes, that one too… You need to find ways and solve your problem independently of what others might do or think. Finally, you are left with the envelope that says “Me”. That’s great, you have the power to overcome your problems! All you need to do now is start acting according to the options you’ve already written on the paper or try to find new ones. If you ever feel you are stuck, you can present your problem to your friends and find out new ways of seeing your dilemma. Then you can think things all over again and choose a new strategy!

Always remember you own the inner resources that will guide towards your equilibrum again!

Article by Lucia Grosaru